One Llama

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The Dramatic Llama blog is officially a year old and this is post number 50! Clearly time flies whether you’re having fun or not! I thought this was the perfect opportunity to have a bit of an upgrade too if you hadn’t noticed, we’re now a .com! I got way too excited about that but I am a nerd after all. I have also thrown millennial pink everywhere, this was definitely a good move and can’t believe I didn’t do it sooner. If you check out the menu option on the top right you can also now click on specific posts to read them, instead of having to scroll through previous ones to find them.  So please let me know what you think of the new look and features, as always feedback is greatly appreciated.

I also thought this would be a good opportunity to reflect on where it all started, if you can remember that far back. The original thought process for all of this was to try to get me through Vet School Year 2 MkII, as well as dealing with everything else life was throwing at me. It’s been far from a smooth ride, at times I’ve felt like a wheel has come off, or my sister was driving and I was looking for the non existent brake pedal in the passenger footwell. But as most of you know, I passed and we’re already half way through week one of third year. Summer feels like it was just a weekend break! It’s quite nice to be learning fresh new things after the last 12 months, but I’m already missing home terribly and wishing it was still harvest time.

So it succeeded! Yay! *Happy dance* But what I didn’t expect when I started, was everything else that came with it. It has become so much more than getting me through a repeat year. Which if anyone has been there will know is awful. It’s been a creative outlet, one of the best therapists I’ve ever had (I’ve seen a few), I’ve shared things that I thought would haunt me alone forever and it has brought me closer to people. Something I didn’t even consider when I started it. So a massive thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read my posts, shared their own stories with me, been supportive or just shown an interest. It’s such a nice feeling when someone tells you that they tried something new after reading about your experience of it. Or another blogger from around the World reads your post. This was never about becoming a blogger and having followers, it was an attempt to keep me afloat in that little boat I told you I was sinking in with all those suitcases. There have been many storms, but I’m not shipwrecked yet (If you think that was ridiculously soppy, I wasn’t even trying!). So it looks like you’re stuck with me now for even longer!

K x

Addicted Llama

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I’ve open and closed this draft post five times already and deleted it. I can’t work out exactly what I want to say. But I keep coming back to it because I do want to say something. This may sound absolutely ridiculous but please bear with me, sixteen days ago I stopped myself from clothes shopping. Cold turkey. You may be sat there thinking big deal, but actually it is. A massive deal, it’s recently become slightly obvious that I have developed an addiction. When I first started counselling sessions three years ago, I was warned that I may experience behaviour changes and develop obsessive disorders. These have ranged over time and started as a mild case of OCD with my belongings, a sense of control was paramount for me as a coping strategy. I am slowly getting this under control but my anxiety triples if someone comes into my space and starts moving things.

This was a major problem when I first started going out with Llama Supporter, as I couldn’t cope with his backpack and laptop invading my room. Writing it down sounds absurd but it gave me horrendous anxiety. He now has a side of the room in the cottage which has helped a lot as my area remains the same and I don’t mind him leaving packets of digestives around quite as much. The other things seem to creep up unnoticed, my coping strategies used to be horse riding, having a bath and going shopping. Since going to uni only one of these was freely available, shopping. I’m not at the level of Confessions of a Shopaholic. I have never missed my rent or bill payments, I don’t have a credit card, it’s not so much the financial side of it. It’s the accumulation of clothes. I’m not a hoarder, if they’re worn out I get rid of them. Over the last year, with help that I am very grateful for, I’ve sold 4 bin bags worth of clothes that no longer fitted or were no longer my style. So I have attempted to reduce the quantity. I never buy anything I don’t like just for the sake of it, I like all of it. But I don’t need a lot of it.

To most this may sound so easy, but I’ve made a decision to stop buying clothes until 2018. Seventeen weeks from when I started, 2nd of September 2017. So I am just over two weeks in, as I mentioned before 16 days. I have avoided shops when I can but this was particularly hard in Rome as beautiful fashion and shoes were absolutely everywhere. I found it very hard to leave an orange embroidered jumper with a wasp on it in Mango. I did consider trying to reduce it instead of going completely cold turkey, but I felt this would be setting myself up for a fail. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to handle stuff when life gets stressful, but hopefully by then I will have learnt not to rely on new things to make me happy.

I’ve written myself a list of places to visit that are photogenic so that will take up some of my free time and I have a 10K coming up that I really need to get back into running for. If all that fails, then my sewing will have to go into overdrive to keep me occupied. I also have 100s of potential outfits in the cupboard that need to be seen in various locations. So if you fancy catching up with me, it’ll probably be over cake or for a walk armed with cameras, at least until January anyways.

K x

Anxious Llama

I’m back already! Isn’t that a surprise, I have been contemplating writing this but then felt that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be completely honest. I’ve been awake since 5am today with anxiety. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, it’s sent my IBS into overdrive and I look approximately 7 months pregnant. Some days I think I’m doing ok, then bam. I’m sat on the sofa eating gluten free rice crispies and I feel like I could have a panic attack and cry into my bowl of lacto-free milk. Unfortunately it’s the same thing that’s set me off this time, as it has been setting me off for the last two months. Today I was planning on going to see Llama Supporter. Something that used to give me an excited tummy, now gives me anxiety levels that would tip any scale.

We’re getting on better than ever, it’s his house. Ever since he moved in June I haven’t had a single visit that hasn’t resulted in a panic attack and nights full of countless nightmares ranging from being assaulted to having arguments with people. I can’t relax, I never feel welcome or safe, which may sound absurd, but it is there none the less. I never unpack my stuff so I can leave if something sets me off, which it does frequently. I fear Llama Supporter maybe near the end of his tether. He literally is the best and tries lots of different things to make me feel happier, but I’m sure everyone has their limits. I was hoping with time, it would improve, as change always unsettles me. Last year Mummy Sue moved the living room round when I came back from uni and we ended up in Tesco at 4am because I couldn’t cope. But with this, it seems to be getting worse not better.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful at all, because I’m really not. I feel so supported and loved by Llama Supporter but I’ve tried all my counselling tips until I’m blue in the face and at the moment, the only thing that works is a bubble bath. Which is wonderful, but I can’t spend the entire time as a prune. And I’ve used all my Lush bath stash up now. I know anxiety isn’t something people talk that freely about, but it should be, it affects so many people. According to Anxiety UK, 6 million people in the UK are sufferers, I know I’m not alone in this. So please, if anyone has any advice, tips or can help please let me know, it’s driving me absolutely insane and I just want to sleep and have nice dreams, be happy, comfortable and more carefree!

K x

Llama Friendships

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Apologies once again for the lack of posts! I have spent most of August working, which I have absolutely loved! And I think my reversing skills have improved significantly! I’ve also been sewing, a lot. I am on a mission to get all the Christmas gift ideas I have, made before uni restarts! I am desperate to share some of them but am trying to keep them all a surprise, it’s taking all my willpower.

As you have probably guessed from the photo I have been back to Peggy Porschen! I have tried to stay away for the height of the season as it has been absolutely packed with people, like me, desperate for cake and photos of the pink paradise. This was a very special occasion though and it one hundred percent called for cake. I met up with Miss Hermés and we hadn’t seen each other since the falconry experience at Easter, absolutely disgraceful! But unfortunately life and responsibilities get in the way sometimes. It doesn’t matter if months or just weeks pass in between our get togethers though, every time it feels like no time has passed at all and we pick up right where we left off.

We started our day at the bakery, because cake is totally acceptable for Saturday breakfast. We chatted for ages, I went for the Vanilla Cloud as always, which they have redesigned, the cheek of it. But it did come with a coffee macaroon, which softened the blow slightly. I also had a hot chocolate, I don’t care if it’s August. Miss Hermés went for the tri-coloured Salted Caramel three layered cake with a Latte. Which made for a gorgeous, Instagram-worthy flat lay. After all the chatting and cake, we queued, yes queued to take photos outside (it’s still totally worth it).

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Of course I took my new Instax camera along, it was worth it for the flat lay alone, but thanks for Llama Supporters flashy new scanner I’ve managed to scan the instant shot we took too!

We then set off to the Saatchi Gallery on King’s Road! Miss Hermés suggested it as their current exhibition is all about the selfie! Entitled From Selfie to Self-Expression. What could be more appropriate?! If you’re looking for something to do in London definitely check it out. It’s a World first exploring the history of the selfie and photography, it’s amazing, there are so many incredible photos and the room of GIFs is mesmerising. Here are a few of my favourites.

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Included in the exhibition is a shot of the first ever selfie being taken, unfortunately I look like I was drunk when I took the shot as it’s completely on the wonk. But look past that please!

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From here we hit the shops, naturally, it’s what we do best! We headed straight for Zara (more on this in a future post), I picked up a gorgeous embroidered dress and Miss Hermés found a stunning grey coat, perfect for Autumn transitions. We then headed up the King’s Road to find more shops via one of my favourite houses.

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I’m sure this car never moves and it’s purely there for photo opportunities. From here we hopped back on the tube and made our way to one of our favourite haunts, Selfridges, via Marylebone Road, to have a look round the make up counters.  Unfortunately the day flew past and all too soon we had to part ways as I had to meet Llama Supporter, the Hipster Lawyer, Mumma Bueno and Carrrrrrlooooos for dinner at Coté, in Highgate. Hopefully it won’t be quite as long until Miss Hermés and I see each other again this time!

After all the excitement of Saturday, Llama Supporter and I decided to have a much more relaxed Sunday with movies and a short walk around Hyde Park. I have been to many places in London, most several times. But I have only been through Hyde Park once and that was at 3am on the Shine night marathon with Maggot and my favourite New Forester! As you can imagine we didn’t hang about for long in there in the pitch black, so Sunday’s mini adventure was all completely new. Llama Supporter is still lame so we drove and parked close by and decided to grab an ice cream and have a wander around the boating lake. I also watched all the ponies from Hyde Park Stables go past longing for a ride.

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Llama Supporter started to get quite sore so we decided to head back, he also wanted to get back for the beloved football… I spent the time editing photos! After the longest 90 minutes ever, we watched The Full Monty with dinner as we hadn’t seen it for ages, I’d forgotten how good it is even though it’s 20 years old?! Arghhhhh!

Right, I better go, we off to The Proms later (for the third time this month) and I’m still sat here with wet hair! Whatever you’re up to this bank holiday weekend, have a really lovely one!

K x

 

 

30 Year Old Llama

The wandering Llama returns, we’ve been rained off from harvest so I’m having a catch up afternoon and trying to get on top of everything that I have been putting off all week. So I thought it was about time I finally posted about my birthday. As most of you know (from my previous posts) Llama Supporter took me to Sketch at the beginning of the month as an early celebration and we also went to Dirt Quake the weekend before my big 3-0. So it has been a busy, fun month! I fully intended to have a party to celebrate this milestone seeing as my last birthday party was many, many moons ago but it didn’t quite come together, with financial stress being the main stopping point.

I’m not going to lie, I felt a bit flat about the whole thing approaching the day. I have for the last five years, unfortunately, as most of you know now July 2012 was life changing for me (If you want to read about that then you can find it here) and it’s still there like a massive black thundercloud. I am very much a party person, I will find any excuse. I love it, but not when it comes to my birthday. Which is partly why I wanted a party, I wanted to change July milestones and memories into better ever lasting ones. I am hoping with time this will, like many other things, heal and I can enjoy it again. Because life’s too short not to enjoy it. I have been putting off writing this, I wanted to share the good stuff but then it wouldn’t be true to how I feel and if I can’t be honest here there where can I be? Right now I’m still not able to cope with the first few weeks of July very well at all. I am exceedingly good at masking how I feel with all this stuff to nearly everyone, with very few even knowing the actual dates I struggle with. I’m not so good at masking if you upset me/annoy me/do me wrong, in that case hell hath no fury you’re in the book forever never to be removed. My tolerance seems to be getting worse, I think this might be partly due to the fact I’m carrying so much with me now that I have even less time and energy for twats. Unfortunately they seem to be everywhere.

Anyway, that is getting away from the point. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because that couldn’t be further from the truth. I did have a wonderful day despite the decade change! We ate lots of cake, yes a gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free birthday cake was enjoyed by all, even Granddad when he was told that was the only one on offer. It came complete with safari animals on top, thanks Sainsbury’s. We went for a walk (or hobble in Llama Supporters case) round Hadleigh Castle and along the coast with my new Instax camera from Llama Supporter. Pink of course. Before going home for pizza and a movie. I am so grateful to everyone who took the time and effort to wish me Happy Birthday, send me cards and buy me gifts. It means so much and you all know me so very well. I am now in possession of probably every llama item known to man. I have cushions, socks, cups, bedding (2 different types!), a knitted llama (QoD outdid herself), a weekly planner and a customised embroidered hoop (Llama Supporter also outdid himself). I didn’t just get Llama stuff, oh no, there was Unicorn stuff from my Norwegian Sister, a beautiful watch from Mumma Bueno, the list goes on. All of it will be seen in the weeks to follow both on here and on Instagram so no fear, you’ll be seeing it all even if you don’t want to.  But here’s a few snaps to be getting on with!

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I know this whole process is a series of about 2 million baby steps but here’s hoping the birthdays in the 30s decade are slightly more cloud free and full of memories to treasure not fear. At the start of the year I was moping (a lot) about turning 30. Not that it changes anything by moaning about it, but now I’m here I actually feel a bit excited about it. As Jenna Rink would say “I wanna be thirty, flirty and thriving”. So here’s to blasting into a new decade. And it’s technically not too late to have party either right? As long as it’s before the end of the year?!

Right now I’m off to check the weather for the 10th time today, this harvesting malarky is starting to affect my personality. I’m constantly looking over hedges whilst driving down the road and the weather app has become my best friend! Maybe I need to lay in a darkened room.

K x

Llama Denim

Ok, I know I said the next one would be about my birthday, but I am currently helping to look after Llama Supporter who is now 3 days post knee surgery! So far no arguments have occurred and he is at his computer playing a game with people in Germany. I have given up trying to shout in his direction and have to call him if I need to talk to him! So instead I am using my time to catch up on blog posts and I keep forgetting to talk about these incredible jeans I have found!

In one of my posts many moons ago, I complained that I can never find any jeans that fit me. It was beginning to put me off shopping altogether (I know,  it must be serious) and was making me feel pretty bad about my body too. Well thanks to the Tooth Fairy I have FINALLY found a pair! Which have now multiplied to 3 different pairs. I was hopeful with a pair I found in Topshop when shopping with Number 1 Corgi Mum and tried the style on multiple times but couldn’t find any in store in the correct leg length.

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Totally rocking the security tag/awkward changing room mirror angle/cankles look… right?

I had a moan to the Tooth Fairy about this fact and she suggested we take a trip to Zara. Low and behold I finally found jeans that fit my fat hips, are high waisted, fit in the leg and at £25.99 compared to the £59.00 Topshop pair, they don’t break the bank either. Hallelujah! I swiftly purchased a pair in stonewash denim and made a plan to buy more when I was slightly more financially stable.

Excuse the resting bitch face, I’m concentrating on sucking everything in and not falling over. Top is from Missguided you can find it here in nude.

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I have worn them absolutely everywhere, I mean everywhere, they even met Guy… swoon. They are super stretchy without being baggy or too tight behind the knees. My main issue with jeans is keeping them on my waist so the fact that these are so high waisted was the icing on the cake. I have square hips so low and mid waisted jeans just don’t work, I spend the whole time hitching them up. I set off back to Zara to stock up and nearly cried, they have already discontinued the colour. I had a minor meltdown as I thought the entire line had been discontinued and I was destined to own one pair of jeans that fit forever.

Thankfully, they have Autumn/Winter colours out instead of the stone wash, so I settled on a dark indigo colour which can be found here. I also managed to nab a pink frayed pair in the sale for just £12.00 (they now down even further to £7.99!) and can be found here. My grandfather asked if a dog had attacked them but other than that they have been well received.

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I have also just spotted two other pairs that I love on their website but I think another Zara parcel arriving might tip my mother over the edge. For some reason she keeps going on about me having too many clothes, but I’m not quite sure where that’s come from…

Next time: Thirty… unless I remember something else I have forgotten. Lets blame my new found old age.

K x

Dirt Quake Llama

Apologies for the delay in posting! I really need to get back to one a week but things have been super busy here and it doesn’t look like it’s about to change any time soon! But fear not I am becoming more organised!

As promised Dirt Quake! If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you may have seen me posting about this a lot recently. For those of you that don’t know much about it, which is probably the majority, let me explain. It’s a weekend event dedicated to motorbike racing with a difference! The event is now in its 6th year and is held at the Adrian Flux Arena in Kings Lynn. It’s held on a dirt bike track but you can’t enter on dirt bikes. In fact the more inappropriate the bike for the course the better when it comes to Dirt Quake. There are classes to suit any level of craziness, ranging from Choppers to Scooters with the girls getting in on the act too with Ladies races on both Saturday and Sunday.

As well as all the racing, there are bands in the evenings and party tricks and games in the main arena during the breaks in racing. They also manage to encourage famous faces from the motorbike world to come along too. Guy Martin (if you haven’t heard of him you definitely don’t follow me) has been in attendance most years and is always full of enthusiasm. It was also down to him that the event was televised for the first time ever this year. Also trying their hand at racing at this insane event were Neil Hodgson, Ross Nobel, Carl Fogarty (who went on to break 10 ribs, puncture his lung and dislocate his shoulder in the final) and several TT champions of past and present.

There is camping available opposite the arena run by a company called Trailer Trash if you want to make a proper weekend of it. Due to Llama Supporter’s hop along leg we decided to find somewhere on Airbnb, as he definitely couldn’t cope with life under canvas. If you’re ever in Kings Lynn and need a place to stay we really can’t recommend Helen at Hampton Court highly enough! The house was incredibly beautiful and she was a wonderful host. The other guy also staying there, turned out to be a guy called Jake who had entered himself in the Best of British race on the Sunday with his Ariel.

Ok so prepare yourself for so many photos you’ll feel like you’ve been there too…

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If you looked at all of those thank you, you deserve your own Dirt Quake trophy! I could go on about this event forever but I’ll refrain. If you’re even the tiniest bit curious, go! Honestly, it’s insane, amazing and thrilling all rolled into one. You don’t need to know anything about bikes to enjoy it either so don’t let that put you off. Personally I do love dirt track, grass track, the TT to name a few and have been bought up around those kind of events. But it was something Llama Supporter had never been a spectator for before or even thought about attending and enjoyed it just as much as I did. So go, if nothing else it makes you feel like you can do anything! And that’s never a bad thing.

Next time: Thirty

K x