Unhealthy Llama

Hello I have returned!

If you haven’t heard, I passed my exams (arrrghhhhhhhh) and final year starts on Monday (SOS, please send help, cakes and moral support). I wanted to reflect on life since fourth year started but keep putting it off. Mostly because, quite frankly, I am still in the dark about a lot of things health wise! As most of you know, I have been unwell since last September, reaching its peak in December and January. Litres of blood tests, ultrasounds, emergency brain MRI’s, hormone injections and being poked by countless people and I’m no further forward. Literally. I have gained MANY new conditions but they are still yet to decide what is precisely wrong with me. I’ll try to break it down as best as I can.

My current conditions pre-September were PTSD, IBS, muscle atrophy and fatigue. Enough to be getting on with really to be quite honest. As if that (and Vet School) wasn’t hard enough. I now also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Post-Viral Myopathy and an unidentified problem that is sending my hormones into overdrive, causing periods that are ruining my life and inducing horrendous migraines. That may sound melodramatic, but putting it into context, I am on medication to try to make my periods more bearable, even on this, my period is currently into week 7. SEVEN SOLID WEEKS. Since passing my exams I have been struggling to feel excited about final year. Partly due to the shear relief of actually doing it wiped out any potential excitement there might be, but also because at the moment facing rotations whilst still feeling awful isn’t filling me with a great deal of excitement either.

In December after having bloods repeated 3 times I was told I was being sent for an emergency MRI because they were ‘pretty sure’ I had a pituitary tumour. I spent the next few weeks crying and not quite sure how I managed to attend lectures and practicals and generally function. January was full of more tests, panic attacks and then an agonising wait to find out the results. They were negative – partly woo, partly for Christ Sake. Mostly for Christ Sake to be honest, they decided to look only at my pituitary gland on the MRI because they were ‘so certain’ it was there. So that left me right back at square one. The months since then, have been full of even more blood tests and now I am waiting for a full brain CT.

As it stands, it is unlikely that I will see much health improvement for around a year. I am doing my best to try to stay positive in life, but some days, it is really frigging hard. I am still waiting for the results from some more blood tests, hopefully these will be more enlightening, but I’m not holding my breath.

To try to get some hold on my health, I am still doing yoga every day. Today is day 130! Which I am pretty proud of. I have definitely noticed a difference in my fitness and flexibility, but I am still struggling in some areas due to my overall health. Nevertheless I am persevering!

Apart from my health, life in general has been something from a soap opera. After exams, if you have had any problems throughout the year that could have impacted your studies and revision, you can submit a statement and evidence to support this. I am SO glad I passed and they never opened it, because they would have thought I was some sort of pathological liar. A swift run down… all of the above plus, my Dad had a stroke, my Mum has been having tests for a potential abdominal mass, my sister is pregnant and it is making her really ill, like really ill. Three of my cats have died since January this year. A private investigator violated my life (and the lives of others), induced many assault related panic attacks and made me even more paranoid about my potential safety than I was before. How safe was I if I didn’t even notice someone following me on days out? And watching me food shop?

Even I am struggling to believe that is my life and all of that has occurred in the last year. Without a doubt 2012 was one of the worst years of my life, the last 12 months have come pretty close. It might be true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but it is frigging tiring to live through. Hopefully when everything settles down I can feel proud and excited that I managed to survive all of that and actually pass my exams and get into final year. But right now I just feel mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. So, please send cakes and hugs.

When I have settled into rotation life (sharp breath intake) I will fill you in on some good things that have happened, such as Days on the Dirt and hopefully I’ll have some better health news.

Much love,

K x